Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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