the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
