I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
