I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
