dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
