i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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