last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
