The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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