Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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