Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize