She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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