Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize