I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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