Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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