The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty callโฆit was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize