I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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