At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
