i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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