I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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