I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
