All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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