you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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