The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
