I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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