so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
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Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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