I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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