Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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