i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
God, I missed his penis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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