i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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