So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
