i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
