and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
