Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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