there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
