please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
