we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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