I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
