wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
