the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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