Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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