census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
