I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't deserve a penis
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
