when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
