it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
