god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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