if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
