i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
