i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How's work?
Spinning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize