some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize