i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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