used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
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Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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