No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
