Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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