I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
