Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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