Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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