I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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