But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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