I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
