I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize