oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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