And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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