Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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