Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
